So I have to say, there are not a lot of things that really, truly scare me.
I’m cool with heights, and I’ll probably go skydiving or bungee jumping at some point in my life. I’m good with flying, and actually I love flying as it gives me hours of uninterrupted reading time. I like the dark. I like snakes. I adore frogs and fish. I’m a huge fan of lions, and would love to snuggle with one if I ever get a chance. Bears are okay (just play dead), and I think I could take a shark (just play dead?). Scary movies do scare me (I have talked about this), but I still like them. I’m alright with the idea of aliens. I think I’d be scared of a ghost, but I have never encountered one so it hasn’t been a problem (imagined ghosts of Indian Chiefs don’t count).
But I will tell you what terrifies the absolute pants off me. Spiders. I cannot deal with spiders. They scare the crap out of me. I hate them. As soon as I see one, panic explodes inside of me.
It’s not that I even mind other bugs. Giant moths don’t even freak me out.
(Found that at my friend’s cottage, you may remember)
I love being outside, and I feel like I pretty much grew up outside, and that’s where the bugs are! I don’t pick them up and fondle them or anything, but they’re fine. I don’t particularly enjoy mosquitos, because they like to bite me and then this happens:
Jerks.
And I’m mildly allergic to bees (I just swell up like a maniac, so it is really only a problem if I am stung on the trachea – actually happened once while I was standing in line inside Shoppers Drug Mart, but that is a story for another time), but I’m not even scared of them.
But spiders, they are frickin’ scary. I was going to draw you a picture of a scary-ass spider, but I don’t think I’ll be able to draw one as good as Allie’s from Hyperbole and a Half.
(source)
That is a scary spider. As all spiders are. Even Daddy Long Legs and baby spiders.
(source)
It’s true. I cannot.
I have no idea why spiders are so dang scary to me, but I think it has something to do with their abnormal amount of legs. I hate how they will just crawl all over you with their million legs like they own you. Like nowhere is off limits to them. Blech, blech and thrice blech.
Anyway, since it is spring, I have really been noticing lately that the spiders are OUT. I have been noticing this even more because I’m currently staying at my parents house, which is quite old, and seems to have more spiders than I am used to. At my house, I could go a month or two without encountering a spider…but here, I have seen one nearly every day. No lie. I will just be doing something totally normal and then all of a sudden SPIDER. ALERT.
And usually it has been an experience.
One of the first showers I took here, I pulled the shower curtain back and suddenly a spider appeared on it, right at face level, RIGHT BESIDE MY LIPS. I nearly made out with it. I obviously freaked out, and had to get a million tissues so I could kill it (which was an ordeal, as it was on the shower curtain so there was nothing solid behind it).
Another time I went to open a door and there was a spider ON THE DOORKNOB. I didn’t see it, and I totally touched it with my bare hand. I almost had a panic attack.
And the other day, there was a spider on the door (doors man, what is up with that?), and I saw it, and I went to gently open the door so as to not disturb it…but it is a tricky door, and the knob got stuck so I had to use a bit of force, and I accidentally FLUNG THE SPIDER ONTO MYSELF. Right onto my nungas. I’m surprised I didn’t have a heart attack, honestly. I am sad that no one was around to witness my reaction though, as I bet it was funny (not for me).
It also should be noted that I have never once seen a spider at my work. My office has always been a safe haven, free from the creepy little eight-legged beasts.
But last week I was in my office, and I noticed something crawling on the wall. It was a silly spider!
I immediately said “Um, there’s a spider in here. There is a spider in here! There’s a spider in my office! THERE IS A SPIDER ON THE WALL IN MY OFFICE!”
And my boss is amazing, and sometimes quite fatherly to me, so came in all macho with a Kleenex and was all “Allow me!” ready to get the spider…but when he went to kill the spider, it dropped onto the floor, so I had a little freak out…
So he kind of overexerted himself trying to get to the spider…and then he threw his back out (well, the spider can’t take all the credit here, he had already hurt his back that morning bending over [he is old], the spider just added to the injury). But man. Spiders! They are dangerous! I was very grateful that my boss really took one for the team for me in getting the spider, even with his hurt back. And even if he raved on about the spider and his hurt back for the rest of the day.
But I just can’t escape the spiders! They are everywhere! I feel like I could look anywhere at any time and bam! Surprise! SPIDER.
Someone please make them go away.
In the meantime though, I think I may have found a distraction from my spider fear…
(WARNING: I am about to post pictures of a very disgusting bug. If bugs gross you out, get out of here now before you have nightmares).
The other day I was perusing BuzzFeed (absolutely hilarious), and they had posted this picture as one of the 21 absolute worst things in the world:
And I was thinking to myself, that is one crazy looking centipede. That can’t be real. That is obviously an alien. And if it’s not, it probably lives in Tasmania or somewhere crazy. No way are those things in Canada.
But that night I went upstairs to bed, and I saw something out of the corner of my eye that had a LOT of LEGS hiding along my parents’ baseboards. I got a bit closer…
And then I took a picture.
WHAT IS THAT THING?! That is terrifying! That has WAY more legs than a spider! The worst thing is, I didn’t even kill it. I couldn’t! It was too speedy with it’s unnecessary amount of legs.
So now I am living with that, as well as spiders. Great. I’m excited.
Anyone else totally afraid of spiders? Anything else that is completely irrational that you’re afraid of? And is that bug not the worst thing you’ve ever seen?!
