Evan-on or Evanoff?

I still haven’t decided yet if I’m going to take Evan’s last name after we get married.

I keep going back in forth in my decision. I like the idea of taking Evan’s name (Furlanic), but I also like the idea of keeping mine (Evanoff). And I also like the idea of Evan taking my last name so he can officially be Evan Evanoff — that definitely has the best ring to it. Evan says that we should both change our last name’s to Evanon, haha.

It’s a big conundrum. I still really don’t know so I’m just going to go through some arguments. Maybe typing this out will make me come to a realization.

First of all, I like that I have the choice. I don’t have to take his last name. Sure it’s “tradition” but many brides these days keep their maiden name. Evan is pretty indifferent and says the decision is mine and he’s supportive no matter what I choose, which is great because I have heard stories of men being upset when their wives didn’t take their last name.

I like to think that I’m a feminist, so does taking Evan’s name make me less of one? Although, feminism is just having the same opportunities and choices as men, and again, I have a choice. So I don’t think I would choose to not take his last name just because I’m taking a feminist stand. That’s not a strong enough argument for me. I can still be a feminist and take his name, it’s my choice!

Always and forever.

Pronunciation-wise and weird-sounding-wise, our last name’s are kind of on the same page. It’s not like I would be going from Evanoff to a simpler last name like Smith or Jones or something. Whichever name I have people will still ask me where it originated from (although if I take Evan’s name they might stop assuming I’m Russian). I think our names are on the same page in uniqueness also, so I like that. I like that I wouldn’t be going from something unique to something common. I don’t know any other Evanoff’s and I don’t know any other Furlanic’s.

Hyphenating our last names is out of the question. My name is already quite a mouthful — Lindsey-anne Elizabeth. Can you imagine Lindsey-anne Elizabeth Evanoff-Furlanic? Gah! No. I thought about dropping my middle name and putting my last name in there instead and then taking Evan’s last name as mine, but my grandmother’s name was Elizabeth (my mom’s mom) so I want to keep it. So, there will be no keeping both.

Yes, I’m proud of my identity. Of course! But, I’m not overly attached to my last name — it’s only been a family name for a couple generations. My grandfather (my papa, Nana’s husband) changed our last name from Dimitroff to Evanoff when he came to Canada from Bulgaria because he wanted our last name to sound “less foreign” (pretty sure he should have just dropped the ‘off’ altogether if that was his goal, but anyway). But my Nana’s last name is Evanoff, my dad’s last name is Evanoff, and I’ve always liked being an Evanoff. Though at least if I change it my brother will still be an Evanoff so I’m not the end of the line!

At the same time, everyone knows me as Lindsey Evanoff. Many of my friends just call me Evanoff (which gets confusing sometimes because when they start saying my name Evan will assume they’re talking to him). Most of my friends will probably still just call me Evanoff though. Or Jug-jugs. It’s not like I’m totally erasing my identity.

I’ve been surprised when some of my childhood friends got married and immediately changed their names, but I don’t know why! Many of them were planning on doing that for years. I know some people dream of bring a Mrs. In my head though I will always associate them with their maiden names.

Professionally I don’t think it will harm me to change my name. Sure, I’m known in my field as me, but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Although it will be annoying for people at work to have to remember to call me a different name all of a sudden (and annoying to change my email). I thought about having two names, legally changing my name to Evan’s but keeping my own last name professionally, but that seems like it would get real confusing real quick.

I like that the name Evan, which is an important name in my family, will always be a part of me because of Evan. So it’s not like I’m losing that. I guess you can look at it like I’ll be Mrs. Evan Furlanic and then I’m sort of keeping part of my name!

If we have kids, I like the idea of us all having the same last name. Like we’re a solid family unit. Not that people who have parents with different last names are less of a family, but you know.

I like the idea of having the same name as my kids. I also like that for traveling and whatnot it would be clear I’m their mom because I share their name. Also, less questions and less explaining about our relationship in general. Same name is clearly husband and wife. That and the kid thing might be the biggest argument in favour of changing my name.

I don’t like that it is SUCH a hassle with endless paperwork to change your name. I’m lazy and that seems like it’s a serious headache-inducing task. The time consuming maze of paperwork is a big argument to not change my name.

Or maybe we could both change our last name’s to something like…Furlanoff.

Agh, I know it comes down to personal preference. Do what you feel. Do what’s right for you. But I still don’t know!!! I think after reading this I might be leaning towards changing it… Or not changing it? Ahh I just don’t know!

Married friends, did you change your name? Why or why not? I could use some insight!

I also really like my signature and wouldn’t be thrilled about having to change it!

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35 responses to “Evan-on or Evanoff?

  1. I did change my name. Went from Baker to Jones! Boring to more boring. My husband was also supportive either way. Changing it in the US wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just did the research before. I changed it for a couple reasons: 1. The future littles. It just makes it easier to have the same last name. 2. I consider the name change a new identity. I know it seems unfair that if we women change our name we become a new person whereas guys don’t usually. But I took it as a way to re-invent myself and be somebody better.

  2. I did not change my last name as you know. FF is like Evan, he was cool with whatever I decided. I thought about hyphenating as well but that was just too long for signing things and I wasn’t giving up my middle name. I just liked having the same name as my family. Made me feel closer to them somehow especially since my dad died 4 months before we got married. But, I always said that if we had kids, I’d change my last name. I would definitely want the same last name as my kids. That hasn’t happened, so you know. Still riding the maiden name train.

    My question is…why do you have to decide now? You can change it whenever you want. So if a year down the road, you’re feeling it, do it then. I have a friend that didn’t change her last name until she was married for 20 years. So I say, if you don’t know what to do decide later when you do know. You have a lifetime to decide.

    • I totally get wanting to keep your family name.

      I guess I don’t have to decide now but it would be weird to change it years down the road I think. Also my passport expires at the end of this year and when I renew it I want to get the 10 year passport, so I gotta decide before then!

      • I didn’t know there was anything but a 10 year passport! I had actually just gotten mine (and paid $75) right before getting married so that was a factor as well because it was $100 to change my name 6 months later. Nope to that one!

  3. I’ve been back and forth over the past little while, too! Especially with the “am I a bad feminist”? part. When I have talked about changing my name some of my friends/family have actually been surprised that I would even consider changing my name, because I am such a vocal feminist. But it’s about having the ability to choose and feeling supported by your partner either way!

    In the end, I am going to change it, because A) the possibly future family unit reason, and B) I am not at all close with my side of the family that my current last name comes from (estranged father and therefore never saw grandparents/aunts/uncles etc, like I have only met them a handful of times), whereas I have been super close with James’s family for the 10 years we have been together. I’m looking at it as an honour to “offically on paper” share the same name as them.

    Go with your gut and what feels right to you!

    • Yes, that’s exactly what it’s about!
      That’s a really nice way to look at it. And also a really good reason to change your name. I mentioned to my dad that I wasn’t sure what I was going to do and he was really surprised that I was even considering not changing it, so if I didn’t I don’t think my family would really care.
      Thanks for the insight 🙂

  4. Long-time lurker here. 🙂

    I always assumed I would change my name, but then I got engaged and I suddenly became fiercely protective of it. It’s been my name my whole life and I am attached to it. I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of all the paperwork either. And, probably the most ridiculous reason is because my husband’s last name is Smith, and I didn’t want to have such a common last name because it can be a pain for him. We’ve been married for nearly 2 years and I am still happy with my decision. It definitely caught him off guard at first, but now he doesn’t care.

    Haha, though a few older friends have thought I’ve already gotten divorced already when they see my name on Facebook or in race results.

    • I get that feeling! I don’t think that’s a ridiculous reason at all. If Evan’s last name was something really common I probably wouldn’t change it either.
      Sometimes I see people on Facebook under their new changed names and I forget who they are and how I know them haha.

  5. I did change my name from Webb to Sheehan when I got married almost 2 years ago. I have married friends who changed their name, kept their name, and friends where both partners hyphenated. I am a proud feminist and I know I am not my husband’s property, but I changed my name for one big reason: laziness. For the reasons you mentioned in the post, I don’t want to spend my life constantly explaining that we’re a family unit. I want to have the same name as my kids. The paperwork was surprisingly simple in the US, and after changing credit cards, etc, it wasn’t an overly difficult process. I did keep my old email with Webb in it because my whole life is tied there and that was something I couldn’t part with.

    In the end, do whatever feels right to you. If you and Evan are equals (which I can tell you are) then the name thing doesn’t really matter. It really doesn’t make you less of a feminist to take his name. However, like you said, it is your choice. Do what you think is best and congratulations!

    • Yes to laziness! I like that when you have the same last name there are no questions, you’re clearly married, and your kids are your kids. I think the paperwork is fairly straightforward here it’s just that you have to change EVERYTHING. And if I change my name I am definitely keeping my email address!

  6. I have changed my name with both marriages; the paperwork is an absolute NIGHTMARE. Administratively, it is pretty much tied with getting divorced and filing bankruptcy 🙁

    However, I didn’t change my name back to my maiden name after my divorce. I wanted to match my son. But then I had my daughter, before I was remarried to her dad. So I had 2 kids, both with their dads’ last name, and I only matched one 🙁 That was hard on the littlest. Now 3 of us match, and my son doesn’t. But he doesn’t seem to mind.

    Basically, I don’t recommend more than one baby daddy solely because of logistics, LOL, but I feel like you’re pretty set on this guy, so it’s probably not an issue 😉

    When my son went on a cruise with his dad, I needed to sign his passport application because we share custody and cannot just be whisking him out of the country without the other’s consent. But our names don’t match. So then I had to provide additional proof that I am his very own mother by finding divorce decrees and marriages licenses and birth certificates. FOR A CRUISE I WASN’T EVEN GOING ON. SO annoying! So I am totes in favor of you changing your name if you guys get some kids in the future 🙂 I think that hassle outweighs the paperwork hassle of changing it. So like two others have stated, you don’t have to do it now, if you are torn. If you want to do it later, or when there are babies, do it then 🙂

    It is your choice. It’s feministic that you HAVE the choice, and I love that Evan supports your choice 🙂 My current husband was pretty irritated that I still had my first husband’s name when we were together and having babies and such. So I get his eagerness for me to change it to his 😉 But I do feel in my heart like I’ll always be an Irestone (my maiden name), so I get that feeling, too.

    • I get not changing back to your maiden name if you get divorced. My mom never changed hers back to her maiden name after my parents split up. I also get the weirdness when your kid has your ex husband’s last name and not their dad’s name, I think I’d be irritated about that if I were him also.
      And your cruise story pretty much just sold me on taking Evan’s last name, haha.
      But yep, pretty set!!! I don’t think I have time anymore to have more than one baby daddy anyway so, should be all good there 😉
      Loved your comment!!!

  7. I changed my last name when I got married, and my husband was totally shocked that I would do it. I also ax’d my middle name and replaced it with my maiden name, so in a way, I kept it. I think it’s amazing that the choice is ours!

  8. When I got married, I felt like you did. I honestly didn’t have a strong feeling either way. I did end up changing my name. Now that we have kids I’m really glad I did, because I love us all having the same name. No way in hell was I going to have a different name from my kids. Which brings me to a personal pet peeve – I see a lot of women choosing to keep their maiden name because of a loyalty to feminism (which is an argument I totally get! We aren’t property any more!). But then when it comes time to name their kids, they default to giving the kids the man’s last name. If I kept my maiden name, I’d have been putting up a big fight to give them my last name and not my husband’s. Luckily my husband is easy going about this stuff.

    • Evan’s really easy going about it too, though he joked that if I don’t change my name, every third kid we have can have my last name. Haha. As if we’re having that many. But that is a pet peeve of mine as well, why should they get the man’s name?
      I think I’d really love us all having the same name… When I think about that it makes me feel safe and secure and loved.

  9. I changed mine when I got married pretty much right away. I also thought it was what I’d do, but as the date drew closer, I realized I was really attached to my maiden name so I made it my middle (I wasn’t that attached to my original middle name). The only regret now is (of course) that I’m divorced, I’m still walking around with my ex’s last name. It is simpler than my maiden name, but annoying nonetheless. As mentioned above, changing it back doesn’t seem to make much sense for me since the entirety of my professional career has been with this last name AND I anticipate I’ll change it again when my current BF and I get married. (So, no need to change it twice just to confuse everyone). I have changed it “back” on social media and the like.

    FWIW, my sister and her fiance are seriously considering creating a new last name for those both of them to share since her guy has some bad family relationships and my sister’s name with the his last name would be a mouthful. I also know a woman from work whose husband took her name too so all this to say… yeah, you can do whatever! Don’t sweat it. Enjoy the wedding etc and leave this for later. You can change it any time. 🙂

  10. I’m in my twenties and not getting married anytime soon, but this is something I’ve thought about more as a few of my friends have married and changed their names recently. When my parents got married ~ 30 years ago, my mom didn’t change her name. We are a very close family, but never once felt like less of a family unit because she had a different last name – if people can’t wrap their heads around that in 2017, that’s pretty sad. My parents very consciously tried to be as egalitarian as possible in terms of sharing housework/childcare responsibilities (though it came pretty naturally to them), and the idea that my mom didn’t change her name seemed to go along very well with this idea. I of course know that if she had changed her last name, she would not be any less of a feminist, but it gives me a sense of comfort to think that their sense of equality extended to that and I know she’s very happy with her decision all these years later.

    I think this may depend on what community you live in, but in our Canadian city this choice was never (even decades ago) seen as weird. I respect every woman’s choice, but I would never change my name and I’m grateful for my family’s example on this. My first name is also a family name from my mom’s side, and I’ve always loved having that link to both sides of the family.

  11. I did change my name because that’s what I planned to do for a while but I think do whatever you are comfortable with! I will say, that the paperwork to switch it (in the US at least) was no big deal at all. Shockingly it was super simple! Just had to go to the social security office, and once i got my new SS card I was able to easily change it on all the things (I started with my drivers license and passport and then to banks etc.). Sometimes I had to provide a copy of the marriage certificate so I just requested a bunch of copies at once to make it easy. Often times, for credit cards, etc, I could do it online, no big deal. I can’t remember if you guys are going on a honeymoon or traveling soon after the wedding but book any plane tickets in your maiden name so you don’t feel you have to rush and get it all done. Its much easier that your plane tickets match your ID match. We went to a different country so I waited to change my name until after our honeymoon and stuff because then it didn’t matter very much how long it took for things to get changed on everything.

  12. Just got married and I’m keeping my name. Our son has his dad’s last name and I’m ok being different from them. In large part my decision was made because of professional reasons. I’m known in my field by this name, and the name of my business includes my last name, so changing my name would have many professional implications. Also, I only have sisters so no one is necessarily going to keep our last name and I like the idea of keeping this name in the mix. Whether or not to change names was something I considered for a long time and I’m good with my choice. It’s also nice to know I can change it later if I change my mind. Good luck with your decision!

  13. So many options! Lots of comments. We were military stationed overseas and I had my middle son over there. The state I’m from requires your maiden name as your middle name on your driver’s license (or they used to, I don’t know anymore). Passport requires middle name and last name. So when I went to get my new child a passport, they said sorry, you need to have two pieces of ID that match. Pick one. So I had to choose and legally change it. I chose my maiden name for my middle name because I really do love it and our family is very connected with it. I’m named after my grandma, too, so I still love that name and I can use that whenever I want to I just legally changed my name to be my first- maiden-married- name. Its worked for me. Also, my sister (damn her for her good ideas that came after me) gave her sons her maiden name as a second middle name. They can use it or not as they choose. I agree, you have time to decide. I didn’t think it was that much of a pain and here in the US there are services that will handle all the changes for you. Our bank provided that service. Obviously, signatures and such are needed but it’s a great service. Maybe there’s one in Canada? Good luck!

  14. I changed mine and was happy to since my last one was my ex-husbands last name. 🙂

    But really it does make things simpler and less confusing when you have kids. Either way you go, go with your gut and you can’t go wrong. It does not make you less of a feminist to take on your husbands last name IMO.

    I have a cousin who kept her last name after she got married. I have such a hard time figuring out how to address cards to them now…esp since they have had kids. LOL

    So excited for you guys!

  15. It never occurred to me that I could change my last name after I got married, French québécois do not change their last name since my grand-parents’ generation! I have both my parents last names and my husband too. To our son we gave my husband’ father last name and we didn’t really discussed it, it was a given. However sometimes I think it’s weird that I do have 2 last names and that none is my son last name. Also, I find it weird that my husband has 2 last names but only one is our son! And sometimes when our son is with his grand-dad -the one he is sharing his last name with- I feel like people probably think he is the father! I think that if we didn’t have 2 last names (and if changing our last name was a thing here), I would add my husband last name to my last name. I think that Lindsay Evanoff Furlanic sounds good! 

  16. I’m not married but in a long term relationship and currently pregnant (with no plans for marriage any time soon). I plan to hyphenate our child’s last name so both of our names are included on the birth certificate (and passport, and any other legal document) but socially they will just be known by my boyfriend’s last name. My sister who is married but kept her last name did this with her kids and it worked well for her. Just another perspective if you are concerned about travelling with your children with a different last name.

    • I really like the idea of a legally hyphenated last name and just choosing one name to go by socially! May have to do this with future children.

  17. My husband and I both kept our last names because neither of us cared about having the same last name or wanted to deal with the hassle of the paperwork. We’ve been married about 4 years and have really never had any issues. Every once in awhile someone will assume we’re not married, but we tell them we are and just have different last names, and they’re like “oh, okay” and move on. I only had one bad encounter, and it was some guy who came over to fix our AC. My husband put the service request in his name, I paid and had to have him change the form to reflect my name, and this dude was so shocked and offended. I was pissed at the time, but I live in the bible belt of the US, so really one bad encounter is far less than I anticipated, haha! We’re not quite sure what we will do for kids…we’ll probably just choose one of our names (rather than hyphenating) and hope that we don’t run into issues!

  18. I’m in my mid 30s and not married yet. I’ve often thought about this issue though. Growing up I couldn’t WAIT to get rid of my last name. We are the only family in Canada with the name and I have trouble pronouncing it which leads to me having to spell it, and then people get the letters wrong still. ugh. But now that I’m nearly 34, it’s been with me so long that it’s freaky to lose that identity. Really random, but I sometimes think about my gravestone with a different last name and it bothers me that it wouldn’t represent who I really am. I’m weird, I know.

  19. Such a tough decision! I was married 3 years ago and chose to keep my maiden name… It had been my identity for nearly 30 years and I couldn’t fathom changing it. My husband fully supported this decision, but we did agree that our kids would take his name. Fast forward to today, my husband and I have one little guy and another baby on the way. I thought it might bother me a bit to not have the same name as my kids, but it honestly never has. One day we will probably use my last name as a middle name for a kiddo. It has also never been a problem crossing the border. We have travelled a few times to the US (fellow Canadians here!), just the kiddo and I, and they have never once asked why we have different last names or questioned our relationship to each other.

    It is so nice that we have the option to either keep or change our name. Your arguments are the sames ones I asked myself as well. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you! I just loathe when it is assumed you will change your name or people can’t understand how you could possibly keep your own – as though you are less committed to your husband because of it. Good luck!!

  20. I took the hyphenated route from a legal perspective. But professionally I kept my last name, McAteer. (Pronounced Mac-A-tear) . I could have had an opportunity to stop having to explain how to prononce my last name to everyone by taking my hubby’s last name, Bruder. Ha!
    Since it’s hyphenated, when I travel or go to restaurants I become Mr. Bruder. It’s so much fun to be Mrs. Bruder. Currently travelling without my hubby and I am using his name . I love when the hotel staff call me Mrs. Bruder.
    Our kids will not be hyphenated. They will only have his last name. We will see how that works out when we actually have kids haha.
    Do what feels right for you…. I couldnt part with my name. There are only 80 McAteer’s in Canada and I’m an only child…. #proud

  21. I changed my name. I am a traditionalist (as is hubby) and it seemed (to me) that it was making it clear that I was “all in” with this marriage and the commitment that comes with it. The same would be true if Evan changes his name to yours, although that would not be traditional 🙂

  22. I changed my name for the reasons you said. Having the same name as my husband and future children. I never questioned it (though almost 2 years being married it still feels a bit weird…haha) I live in BC, and it has not been a hassle at all. I was told I didn’t have to do an ‘official’ name change unless you had already changed it twice before. (For instance, I know someone who was married and divorced twice, and for her to change her name now she would have to do a legal name change) For me it has been as easy as showing our marriage certificate when renewing my drivers license and such. As for passport, I had just renewed mine before we got married, and did not want to pay for another one so soon! I was told that when I DO change it, it will be a brand new application, not a renewal, because the name is changing. So that costs more (and probably takes a bit longer) plus, if I didn’t want to change it ever, I could leave it in my maiden name, as long as I brought my birth certificate when traveling (and booked trips in whatever name the passport says) Apparently I could sign either name forever if I want to, because I will always still be whatever name is on my birth certificate legally (but might have to show it)

    Sorry, that was super long! A tip though, if you’re going to take Evan’s name, get practicing your new signature. Lol. After signing at our wedding in June, I hadn’t done it again until it was time to renew my license in December and I panicked! They gave me a piece of paper to try it out a few times before committing to the electronic one that would show up on my card! Lol it still looks terrible today 🙁

  23. I changed my last name, but I’d always dreamed of changing my last name. I went from Johnson to Thoele. While I always get asked how to pronounce my name and where it originates, which never happened with Johnson, I no longer share my name with thousands of people. For me it was an easy choice, but I can see how it might not be for someone with a more unique last name.

  24. This is such a fraught topic.
    I did not change my name (much to the chagrin of my conservative in-laws who do not understand my decision). My mother didn’t change her name either (and had no issues not sharing our last name) 30 years ago, nor did my two best friends who got married around the same time I did (in NYC no one bats an eye if you keep your name) but I still did a lot of debating internally. I contemplated hyphenating it until a month or so before the wedding. It just didn’t feel like me and I had a visceral “nope, that’s not me!” reaction to being called by it. I am very attached to my name, and about to put a Dr. in front of it. I also abhor when people call women Mrs. Husband’s First and Last name and didn’t want to give anyone an excuse to drop my “maiden” name. Husband didn’t get my dislike of that until a friend sent us a card addressed to Dr. and Mr. My first and last name (Him: hey! Why don’t I get to be my own person?) I love my husband a whole shit ton, I am lucky to be married to him, but I don’t feel the need to have the same last name as him. I would like to hyphenate our kids though.

  25. I haven’t changed my name yet and we’ve been married for almost three years. However, I still just might one day. I’m a newspaper reporter, so I partly wanted to keep my name so I wouldn’t confuse people. However, my friend and colleague kept her maiden name as a pen name and legally changed it to her husband’s name, and it worked out fine. I think, like you, I will want the same last name as my kids, so I may change it when and if that day ever comes. Then, I think I’ll still keep my maiden name for work purposes. I also am attached to my last name. I mean, it’s not super special or anything and quite honestly, I was made fun of for it while growing up (It’s Calis, pronounced like callous – haha) but it’s ME!! So, I have basically avoided it but if I start popping out kids, I think I may make the change! I’m a really good procrastinator and I’m taking it to the next level right here! Basically, three years later and still on the fence. I’m really happy that my hubby doesn’t care either way! Once it does change, I think it’ll be less of a shock, as it was a slow process – haha. I can be such a drama queen. Sorry, because that probably didn’t help you AT ALL.

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