I have been wondering how I was going to address this, or if I would at all on here, because the last thing I want to be is a Negative Nancy/Debbie Downer.
I also can’t staaaaand it when people are fishing for compliments, and I strongly dislike the feeling I get when I suspect someone is feeling sorry for me. It makes me feel awkward (so do NOT, I promise I am fine).
But I have noticed lately that a ton of people have been scouring my blog for details, and actually searching various phrases that might turn something up. I did not expect that to happen, but I guess when you blog about your life and you mention the important people in it and then suddenly stop, peeps be curious. I understand. Totally expected, and I’d probably be the same.
I’m sure most of you have probably already guessed this anyway, and I can’t stand to be cryptic. I think I speak for everyone when I say that this is one of the worst things in the world:
So think twice before you put “Today sucks” as your Facebook status and then don’t include any details. It’s annoying.
So anyway, if you have been reading my blog for a while, you probably noticed that I used to post a lot about Andrew (and various other names for him), and now I do not. This is because we have broken up. It has been a couple months now, and we are currently in the process of selling our house. This is why I was staying at my Dad’s, and this is the main reason why my blogging has been so sporadic over the last several months. I feel like I was in a huge funk for the entire months of December and January. I just didn’t feel like myself. So that’s what’s been going on, and that is all the detail I feel comfortable sharing on the relationship-front.
But I will say this: breakups suck. They just suck. It doesn’t matter if you’re the breaker upper, the break-upee, if it was mutual, or whatever, it sucks. Especially if it was a long-term relationship and you live together/own a house together, because no matter how you look at it, your entire life is changing, and that is stressful. No getting around it.
I am a fairly stress-free person on the reg. I do not worry about a lot of things (almost to a fault actually), because I would rather be happy, and I don’t feel like negative (fairly trivial) things are worth my thoughts. You know, don’t worry about the things you can’t change, don’t sweat the small stuff, and all that jazz. I try to embrace that. I feel like I can handle a lot before I get to breakdown territory (hello, Captain Hook). I am an optimist. My glass is never half-empty. I am truly either happy or hungry.
But even happy optimists have their moments. Everyone has a bad day. Yesterday was mine. I feel like everything caught up to me. Work is a busy-fest, and normally I could handle it, but regular life is a busy-fest too. Dealing with house stuff and apartment hunting… Everything is kind of up and the air and unstable, and that bothers me. My life just doesn’t feel normal to me right now.
But I know this is a temporary feeling, and things will work out. They always do. Always!
So I have been trying to focus on the positive, familiar things in my life. The things that make me feel like me. And then I feel better about things being weird right now.
Let’s talk about those things:
Winnie was born under my friend Emily‘s neighbour’s air conditioner when I was in Grade 6, and I have owned her ever since. She was just a little kitty when I got her, and now she is about 18. I have had her for nearly two thirds of my life! Winnie has come everywhere with me, and has been through it all. She has the kindest, loving, most gentle soul in the world (not just cat soul, all souls), and there is nothing more comforting to me than snuggling with her. She is the best.
She feels like home.
It is so nice to come into the office every morning and see the familiar and smiling faces of people who genuinely love me (even though they make fun of me constantly). It is the one constant in my life that makes everything else feel normal, because as busy as thing are at work right now, it is still a part of my regular routine. And my coworkers are all so supportive and understanding.
I am fortunate to have so many amazing friends. So many of them have offered to help me move that I feel overwhelmed with gratitude, and most of them have said I could bunk with them if I needed to crash anywhere (and I am currently staying with my friends’ Dawn and Mark, and it is the most positive atmosphere ever). Their generosity makes me feel warm and fuzzy. We have also been having a lot of hilarious times lately, so of course that helps quite a lot.
As much as I used to hate running, when it comes to releasing tension and aggression, there is really nothing like it. I feel soo much better about everything after a run.
Plus, I have a new little running buddy!
Dawn and Mark’s dog Bolt. He is so cute, and a good little runner. I’ve been taking him out with me lately, and he is a big fan.
We are now besties.
This jar of peanut butter that is currently residing in my office and I am eating by the spoonful.
I don’t think it is possible to be unhappy while you are eating peanut butter straight out of the jar.
The cards I found from my Nana when I was cleaning out my basement.
She loves cards, as you may remember from the regifted Valentine’s Day card. She adds stickers, and writes the best messages about my dreams coming true. I love it.
And of course my family has been pretty awesome as well.
And you guys. The most random comments will absolutely make my day. The other day I noticed that someone “liked” four of my posts, and then left a comment and said “I like everything you post,” and I had a little love burst for that person. Made my morning. I noticed later that it was a spambot, and totally a spam comment, but still…the love burst stayed with me. I love that spammer.
So in the midst of suckiness, things are actually quite good. It is important to remember the GOOD things, because as crappy as things may seem, they can ALWAYS be worse. I am thankful for all the great things in my life, and I think we should all be thankful we are not this cat:
(Just a note: Please don’t comment saying you are worried about me or anything else that would sound like you are feeling sorry for me. I am fine. I just needed to vent and I wanted to do it in a fairly positive way. If anything, tell me how you stay positive when things are a little on the sucky side in your life!)